10 commandments to follow in bed
11. Most importantly, don't be drunk. Tipsy is acceptable, but don't chug 12 beers and try to make it work - it won't, and women will judge men with whiskey dick. Another risky problem caused by alcohol consumption: getting clothes off. Chances are people who get really drunk and try to take their clothes off will end up in a straight jacket position and passed out in their own vomit.
2. The next rule is intended for the gentlemen. Remember to be responsible and know what you're getting into before it's too late. Nothing is worse than enjoying each other's company and then popping one of the "no-no" questions, such as, "When's the last time you took your birth control?" Just put the condom on. No glove, no love.
3. Did your mom ever tell you to wipe that smirk off your face before you're stuck with it? Well, I believe that rule should also apply during sex. Some facial expressions can be really sexy, but if it looks like your partner just ate a bag of Warheads, chances are the confidence is gone right after the hard-on is. "Turning Japanese" is only acceptable during an orgasm.
4. Sex is not a time for chitchat. Partners want to enjoy each other and it's hard to concentrate when the mind wanders. Talking dirty is acceptable if both partners agree, but that's where the conversation ends. Don't describe how much homework you have or what you would name your first baby.
5. Keep the phone silent. There's always that one person in a packed theater who forgets to turn their phone on silent and then proceeds to answer it and have a conversation about his weird cauliflower growth. Out of courtesy for everyone involved, turn it on silent and don't answer it. Vibrate mode will merit extra points if used in a kinky manner.
6. Don't yawn or, even worse, fall asleep. Sleeping is for that three-hour biology lab, not steamy hot sex with your lab partner.
7. Don't be a two-hump chump. Again, this is another rule for the men. Women buy expensive lingerie for men's visual pleasure. If women spend 20 minutes trying to get out of the extravagant contraptions without ripping them, men owe them at least that long.
8. Ladies first. This is a rule for all aspects of life. The first to walk through doors are ladies. The first off the Titanic were ladies. Men - just remember this golden rule.
9. Don't stop to pee. Plan dinner dates accordingly - don't go out for spicy cuisine that can lead to glasses of drinks and hinder sex later that night, unless both partners are into that kind of thing, of course.
10. Remember who you're with. Nothing is more embarrassing than screaming the wrong name, such as your sister's, or a random name including "mom."
2. The next rule is intended for the gentlemen. Remember to be responsible and know what you're getting into before it's too late. Nothing is worse than enjoying each other's company and then popping one of the "no-no" questions, such as, "When's the last time you took your birth control?" Just put the condom on. No glove, no love.
3. Did your mom ever tell you to wipe that smirk off your face before you're stuck with it? Well, I believe that rule should also apply during sex. Some facial expressions can be really sexy, but if it looks like your partner just ate a bag of Warheads, chances are the confidence is gone right after the hard-on is. "Turning Japanese" is only acceptable during an orgasm.
4. Sex is not a time for chitchat. Partners want to enjoy each other and it's hard to concentrate when the mind wanders. Talking dirty is acceptable if both partners agree, but that's where the conversation ends. Don't describe how much homework you have or what you would name your first baby.
5. Keep the phone silent. There's always that one person in a packed theater who forgets to turn their phone on silent and then proceeds to answer it and have a conversation about his weird cauliflower growth. Out of courtesy for everyone involved, turn it on silent and don't answer it. Vibrate mode will merit extra points if used in a kinky manner.
6. Don't yawn or, even worse, fall asleep. Sleeping is for that three-hour biology lab, not steamy hot sex with your lab partner.
7. Don't be a two-hump chump. Again, this is another rule for the men. Women buy expensive lingerie for men's visual pleasure. If women spend 20 minutes trying to get out of the extravagant contraptions without ripping them, men owe them at least that long.
8. Ladies first. This is a rule for all aspects of life. The first to walk through doors are ladies. The first off the Titanic were ladies. Men - just remember this golden rule.
9. Don't stop to pee. Plan dinner dates accordingly - don't go out for spicy cuisine that can lead to glasses of drinks and hinder sex later that night, unless both partners are into that kind of thing, of course.
10. Remember who you're with. Nothing is more embarrassing than screaming the wrong name, such as your sister's, or a random name including "mom."
1 comment:
hahaha! Ayos! Ano unahon ko sundun man??? :)
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